Tuesday, September 16, 2014


So yesterday, September 15th, was the first anniversary of loosing our baby. I really can't believe that it has been a whole year...it has been one heck of a year, for many reasons. I honestly thought that I was going to do fine yesterday but it ended up being a really emotional day for me and for Nate too. The kids were little stinkers on top of all my emotions...but we made it.

{As an update for those who may not know, after we found out we were having a girl, it felt like the right thing to do to give our little boy a name. So we named him Harrison Robert Higbee. Harrison is Nate's Dad's middle name and I have always loved it. Robert is my grandpa's name, who passes away 3 years ago. I feel some how that they know each other up in heaven and I often think of them together.}

So, to honor Harrison, I decided to make and collect things to donate to other families of still born babies and babies in the NICU. It was great for me to spend all my spare time over the last month working on little blankets and gowns. I had several people donate money that I used to get fabric and little jammies A few others donated some cloths, ribbon, bows and little blankets. We took all that stuff and donated it yesterday. That felt good. Then we each got a balloon and took it to the park. We talked for a minute about our baby and then let the balloons go. The kids thought it was the greatest thing ever. They don't really understand too well about what happened but I want them to know about Harrison. I don't want to be the only one that remembers him and thinks about him. I want him to be real and to be a part of our family. I felt like these activities would be a good way to do that.

I have been surprised and grateful at how naming him has helped me to find the peace that I was struggling to have. There is still a little hole in my heart that aches. I think it always will. But I feel at peace thinking of him watching over me from Heaven and to think that I gave him all he needed on this earth.

Happy Birthday my dear Harrison. I hope you know you are loved.